2 weeks ago I bumped into someone who told me that before the end of April, I would receive sad news from abroad and you will be broken hearted, she followed that warning with ‘consider yourself warned’. Days gone by with nothing happen and in fact the month slowly came to a nice close for me, I begin to think, that ‘consider yourself warned’ was just another weird random things that happen in my life, until yesterday.

Yesterday started of well until my phone started getting slammed with tons of frantic messages from my mom and some friends, since it is my habit to not check on any or answer phone call when I am out with friends, I didn’t get to see those until late. Devastating Earthquake hits Nepal, all these are friendly messages wondering if I am still in Singapore or if I had left for Nepal. My flight was not until next Friday.

I quickly came home turned on all the news, media, everything I can get my hand on, In panic calling the monastery, looking for lamas/monks/anis/geshes/friends/family who work and live there. There are many people who are already in Nepal anticipating the event coming up in May/June, myself included. My mind churned at rapid speed, going through FB feed, watching the devastating images and hearing the crack of my heart broken to pieces, a deep scream stuck in the center of my chest watching the catastrophe that had hit my beloved city of Nepal. A place I consider home other than Singapore, a place I found deep connection to the culture and the people, the place that had shelter me year after year to help nurture me in my Tibetan Buddhist practice. This very same country is struggling to survive and in pain same like myself when I first step foot 5 years ago.

It wasn’t until late that news of friends/monastery/lamas/Rinpoches/monks/Geshes are safe although monastery badly effected, they said aftershock had been ongoing all through the days and night, fell asleep with phone in my hand as I continue to wait of news from the rest of others. This morning I woke up in daze thinking ‘maybe it was all only a nightmare. That it didn’t really happen’ instead the harrowing images and the climbing number of victims made me feel even more powerless, tears flowing to see landmarks that had been level to grounds.

More than ever I feel the need to get there, I need to do something, I need to give back something, but for now, as all commercial air flights had been grounded, there is nothing I can do other than sit with this sense of powerlessness, brokenness of my heart, and direct all my energy to my practice (and a whole tub of Haagen-dasz), as Karmapa’s guidance for us to chant Chenrezig Mantra, dedicating my prostration, dedicating merits for all of the people in Nepal, devoting my love wholeheartedly to the city and the people who taught me unconditional Love.

I encourage everyone to do the same send out most heartfelt intentions and prayers, healthcare providers volunteer if you can; make shift tents material, blankets are what they immediately need; as water supply become hard, water and food are the next to follow. Looking to the Divine Guide to how I can contribute meaningfully.

Love and prayer for Nepal