I started off the Spiritual Path of Self Transformation by accident, but now I know that nothing is by accident. 12 years ago,in Burlingame – California, when I stepped into my first yoga class, I didn’t know how much impact it would have in my life. The first time I cried in the yoga class, which was a month after that first class, I knew that this would be my life. Moment of impact is what I call those moments in life I knew my life would never be the same, something was switched on and I can’t turned it off.
The path of Yoga has called me and I answered.
2 years after, for family duty, obligations and responsibilities; against my heart, I moved back to Asia and entered a period of darkness in my life. I have no teachers, no guide, no emotional support instead I had mountains of social cultural constrains, expectations, obligations and mainly a broken heart. Yoga scene in Asia is not the same, until today, it lacks depth and neglectful of the spiritual aspect of it. I met many teachers whom I did not resonate with, They are good people great teachers but they are not mine.
My Yoga Practice stalled, I could do many poses but it felt empty. Where that empty space was, the Divine guidance brought me to deepen my learning in Buddha Dharma. What yoga couldn’t give met at that time, my Buddhist Practice flourished after I went on pilgrimage to Bhutan and followed by some years after to have finally met my first GURU: Lama Wangdu Rinpoche.
Lama Wangdu Rinpoche is highly respected and powerful Enlighten Nyigma Master from Tibet who had taken up refuge in Nepal. I was fortunate to met him through a Dharma Brother who is a Yoga Teacher. Nyigma Masters are the Shaman of Tibetan Buddhism and Lama Wangdu is a highly respectable Englighten master known for his Chöd practice. Chöd is a Nyigma Kagyu Practice, literally means “cutting through”. It cuts through hindrances, darkness and demons. Examples of demons are ignorance, anger and, in particular, the vision of Duality: Me Vs You.
When I first met him, another moment of impact, my soul knew him from life times passed, this was the ‘root’ I had been looking for desperately, for all those times calling out from my heart to the Divine, please show me who my Guru is. So, another sobbing moment (yes I am a crier) as I once again knew life would never be the same. He gave me sets of practice and the most powerful deity and protectors to guide me, his blessings cut through obstacles brought open doors to reconnect with other teachers. With that I took refuge and transitioned to Tibetan Buddhist Practice.
The Buddha Dharma opened and I entered.
That same year, in Singapore, I stepped into the Self-Immersion Yoga Workshop: Yoga for Self Realization with Sri Andrei Ram – Om, the main student of still living Yoga Master Sri Dharma Mitra. Everything I feel that is true of what Yoga practice should be was reaffirmed through the Divine that flows through him. I fell in Divine Love. He had been a confidant, shoulder to cry on, a guide, someone that I could completely be at my most vulnerable with and I know that I am safe. In his guidance I trust and that element of trust and respect is really important as he continue to assist through not only ‘advice’ but through example.
Yoga returned full force into my life and I embraced it like a long lost friend
With the blessing of Lama Wangdu, last year I went to a pilgrimage to Mt. Kailash, West Tibet. One of the hardest task I had ever done in my life which I would not have the confident to do, if it was not for Lama Wangdu’s blessing and guidance. Mt. Kailash itself, is the mountain for Shiva the destroyer; in Tibetan Buddhism, it is associated with the Kagyu Lineage. A week after I returned from the pilgrimage, I googled Kagyu Lineage, stumbled upon His Holiness the 17th Karmapa Trinley Thaye Dorje’s video. HH 17th Karmapa Trinley Thaye Dorje is the 17th reincarnation leader of Karma Kagyu Order of Tibetan Buddhism and of course, I cried when I saw his image came up on the screen, my head was playing catch up big time with my heart. I had never seen him before, but in my heart, I felt so much joy to finally be reconnected and I knew all is complete now. I have all my root teachers. A couple of days after that, the most magical synchronicity happened, I found out that He was coming to Singapore and everything else is history. Through the guidance of His Holiness, he gave me a practice of purification – Ngöndro.
These three individuals are my own version of the ‘Holy Trinity’ as with the order of Cosmos: there is the Creator, Preserver and Destroyer (purifier).
Any process of birth is difficult, both the baby and the mother had to struggle and fight to live. It is the same with the process of self-awakening, friction, chaos, tribulations would be there summoning courage and strength to stand against them so the we can be awaken. The Spiritual path is not an easy one, not as how we see as the laid back hippie, it requires constant struggles to grow and it is slightly easier if we can have teachers and guides to help us along the way.
Looking back at the past 12 years, I am no longer a prison to the family/social/cultural obligations, With the blessing of Lama Wangdu, I gained courage to cut through all those obstacles, I completed the ‘operation of mending my own heart’ 12 years long operations but happy to say that my heart is no longer in scattered pieces. I am not ashamed of my scars and wound; I shone light to those dark corner of my heart and made friends with my demons. These battle wounds are testament to my own Goddess power. I stepped back into my own happy nature marching to the beat of my own new vulnerable heart that beats even louder than before. All these progress, I have to give credit to my own courage, perseverance and devotions; BUT I couldn’t have done it without my ‘Holy Trinity’. Through them; they give me Unconditional Love: a strong root to come home to and wings to fly. I am extremely BLESS
May my struggle be an inspiration to all those beings struggling at the very moment and I dedicate my work in liberating myself to liberate all those beings.
Photo Credit: All Photos of His Holiness 17th Karmapa Trinley Thaye Dorje and Featured Imaged are courtesy of Tokpa Korlo Photography Via https://www.facebook.com/tokpakorlophotography/?fref=photo