20:20

‘Dear Past, thank you for all the lessons; Dear Future, I am ready’ 

I recently had a thought that our life is a direct reflections of the strength of our heart. The amount of living we put into our life depends on our fearlessness in letting the heart lead us to places that scare us. Unforgettable memories were collected from moments when we dare to courageously march into the beat of our own heart, be it means breaking rules, refusing to conform and walking a solitary path away from the crowd or meeting a stranger and finding out how much sameness we have with each other.

I refused to follow the ‘cookie cutter’ pattern of  life succumbing to society, culture and parental or peer pressure of traditional outdated mold of what success and role in life a woman should have, should be, should live. Instead I live free in the wilderness of my own heart accompany by my own spiritual compass.  I travelled the world extensively,worked with abused women, advocate for children in crisis situation, advocate on prevention and suicide prevention, marched along other peace keeper for Anti War movement, took part in the humanitarian panel representing Asia pacific and speak up on threats for human rights along with other human rights organizations , climb mountains, stayed in forest, take part in a community of love revolution around the world, built homes in countries that were not my own, these are just part of things I have accomplished along with some tequila or vodka chugging session and other too many to counts menace I got myself into.

There are various levels of vulnerability when the heart take reign, a sense of aliveness when there is no crowd to follow and path finding our own way. I have made many mistakes along the way that it took me a really long time to be able to forgive myself and heal, I lost people, I have gotten my heart shattered from putting it on the line too many times and yet if I was to be given a do over, I will choose my life all over again.  I will relive all the happy moments more intensely and feel all the pain deeper for in those pains lies the greatest learning.

For the first time, I look back at the young me with love and acceptance rather than anger, contempt and hatred and believe me, I had locked her in that space for so long. I am finally able to sincerely forgive my younger self for the damage she created, careless and heartless mistake; and to her instead I would say  ‘Thank you for dreaming big, thank you for your crazy wild spirit and for the untameable heart, we have accomplished more than what we have ever dreamt of for ourselves in our younger days. It’s time to set a new course, new dream and to the new chapter we go.’  So this will be the last time I have to ‘revisit’ part of me that stuck in the past, through many years of work I had finally able to set us free and together we will start a new dream, a new beginning.